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The elevator’s the devil…calling it right now. What a twist!

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From Jason Seltzer and Adam Friedberg, the artists behind Meet the Spartans and Disaster Movie.

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Usually when I do these “Of The Week” segments, I pull content from other sites and then copy & paste it here–however, in this case I’ll make an exception. And before you form any opinions about my critique of this movie, let me just say that I’m in no way qualified to make any validated reviews on any film, and that this is simply my own assessment that I’ve willingly decided to share with my readers. So, here it goes:

Wow. Where do I even begin? Oh, how about,”What the fuck.”

To give you some background information about the characters and the overall story arch of the series (and I’ll probably do a better job than M. Night Shyamalan) there are four nations that comprise the world: Air, Water, Earth, and Fire. Within these nations are benders who control their respective element. 100 years ago, all four nations lived peacefully–working together to bring prosperity and harmony into the world. Firelord Sozin, the leader of the Fire Nation, with some misplaced belief that waging a war would allow him to share his nation’s wealth with the world, decided to stage an attack on all nations.

The Avatar is the only being on earth that has the ability to bend all four elements, as well as provide the bridge between two worlds, the real and spirit. When the Avatar dies, he or she is reincarnated into another nation, and this is dictated by a certain order. Knowing that the next Avatar would be born into the Air Nomads, Firelord Sozin eradicated every member within the Air Nation, to ensure that he would put an end to the Avatar. Fortunately, Aang, the Avatar, managed to escape before the Firelord waged his attack.

Aang escaped on Aapa his flying bison, and was caught in a terrible storm that rendered both him and Aapa unconscious. In order to protect himself and his animal friend, Aang unconsciously entered the Avatar State (a defense mechanism that gives the Avatar incredible strength by combining the power and abilities of all past Avatars) and froze himself. He remained in the ocean for 100 years, until two members of the Southern Water Tribe, Katara and Sokka find and release him from his frozen state.

Prince Zuko, the banished prince of the Fire Nation needs to find the Avatar in order to regain his honor and take his rightful place as the heir to the Fire Nation. When he finally finds the Avatar in a small village in the South Pole, the story unfolds as Aang, Katara, Sokka, and Zuko’s destinies become tied.

Now that I’ve established some sort of backstory, hit the jump to read my full review/rant of The Last Airbender.

Holy shit, I can’t even begin to describe how terrible this movie was. I’ll start off with the more redeeming qualities and eventually get into all the things that made this movie retardedly unwatchable.

The visual effects were sub-par at best, with most of the effects centered on making the water and ice look as real as possible. They did a good job transposing the world of the Avatar onto a live environment. There was the right amount of realism mixed with the delusiveness of fantasy to make the world come to life. Fighting scenes were mediocre. No one really had the grace and dexterity involved in performing complex martial arts moves. It seriously just looked like everyone took a day of Tae-Kwon-Do class and performed what they learned in front of the camera. Unfortunately, these were the only qualities that didn’t totally suck throughout the movie.

Now, to the part that matters…

There were so, so, so many things that made this movie painfully awful. This is a no-brainer, but even though all the characters are supposed to be Asian, M. Night had the crazy idea of casting the most unqualified actors to play all the major roles. The Waterbenders were dominantly Caucasian, Firebenders were Indian, and the Air Nomads were everything except Asian. The only roles that Asians actually did get to play in the movie were the homeless, impoverished, grimy, down trodden people of the Earth Kingdom, and that scene lasted, what, like 5 minutes?

They mispronounced EVERYTHING. What the fuck is an Ah-vatar? And why the fuck is Sokka and Katara’s grandmother the only one that speaks with a British accent? Not only were they terrible actors, but the writing was just so god-awful that my 9 year old niece could tell it was bad. She’s fucking 9 years old! The dialogue is hilariously abhorrent. I guess M. Night’s idea of giving a backstory is having that character literally say their entire life story with a few lines. Here’s an example: “My name’s Katara. I live in the Southern Water Tribe. My mom’s dead. I need to learn Waterbending. Let’s go learn Waterbending, Aang.” And for some reason, Prince Zuko likes to talk to himself throughout the whole fucking movie. I’m pretty sure that Dev Patel just ended his early career.

There’s absolutely no character development. They jump right into the story, skipping the major events that form Aang, Katara, Sokka, and Zuko into the rich characters that they are. They hardly focus on the struggles and inner conflict Aang went through when he discovered he was the Avatar, they didn’t talk about the hardships Katara and Sokka experienced when their mom died, or when their dad left to fight in the war, and they didn’t even touch on the complexities of Zuko’s relationship with his father and sister.

It really seems like M. Night Shyamalan put a bunch of scenes together, put them in a shotgun, pulled the trigger, picked the pieces off the ground, and filmed the movie according to the order they fell in. Was he trying to make a shitty movie? I really think he was, because there’s no way someone could put forth that much effort, and waste that much money and spit out the disaster that was The Last Airbender. I bet this is what he said to himself before he started filming: “You know what? Fuck it. Fuck this movie. Fuck the fans. Fuck doing a good job. I’m just going to do the worst job possible. I’m fucking M. Night Shyamalan. I made The Sixth Sense. Remember that?” Movies that, you know, purposely try to be terrible, are infinitely better than The Last Airbender. Movies like Date Movie, Epic Movie, Power Rangers Turbo: The Movie–all better than that pitiful piece of trash that I saw last night.

The best part? Turning around and seeing the disappointed faces of the 100+ people in the audience.

This should be M. Night’s last movie. Please, do yourself a favor and don’t waste your time on this film. Trust me. Hope you enjoyed this novel of a post.

[warmingglow.]

Done in the most hilarious way possible.

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